Who Am I, Heartstrings?

At a recent young leaders event the discussion turned to calling.

The question “who am I?” or to put it biblically “what is my name?” is central to us finding our place and being fulfilled in God’s plan. Really, our whole life is about exploring and diving in to who God has called us to be.

God planned our lives well before we were conceived. Indeed, long before He laid the foundations of the earth He saw humanity and dreamed of the redemptive society He’d birth on this sordid soil, and the place you would have in it all. Yeah, sounds a little slushy doesn’t it?

Sentimental though it may seem, we all long to understand who we are, to feel the Father’s affirmation deep down and to know that what we’re doing counts for eternity.

Every now and then you uncover something that grabs you by the heartstrings and gives them a little strum. The first of three recent strums was when I started reading Wild At Heart. I’ve never really understood what people mean when they talk about a book “reading it’s reader”, until now. Feelings of vertigo have lasted through a couple of chapters, leaving me feeling undone by the words reaching deep down into who I am, the lies I’ve believed about myself and who God really is. This book is reading me and it’s telling me who I have been.

The second heart strum was when I was inspired to write the poem I published on this blog last week- We Are Too Safe. After getting the initial chunk of inspiration down I was reluctant to go back to it to finish it off because I hardly dared- it convicted me, it challenged me, it provoked me. Each time I revisited the poem it gave me that knotty/nervous/excited small lump in my throat I get when God does something significant in my spirit.

A few minutes ago I started reading another book- Red Moon Rising, the rip-roaring story of the 24-7 prayer movement and the prophetic call behind it all. This book is putting that same lump in my throat and fire in my heart.

The book’s dedication:

This is the story of many lives in many cultures over several years. We dedicate it simply to anyone who has  ever done a 3a.m slot in a 24-7 prayer room and found themselves wondering why.

We also dedicate this book to those spiritual parents and grandparents who have prayed, lived and longed for such a movement as this among young people over many years. We reap where you have sown.

And an excerpt from the intro:

…Prophets will begin to wander the land once more, championing the poor, provoking God’s people and calling nations to account. And a rag-tag family of youthful visionaries and seasoned dreamers will conspire together to carry the consequences of the cross to the ends of the earth and into every dark corner of every culture in the name of Christ…

I have a feeling this book is going to be another one that speaks deeply into who I am, and that it will prove to be right in tune with what God’s doing in our Church at the moment.

Let’s see what happens.


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